I was determined to go to Barbara Brady’s workshop, Post-election Fuel for Positive Transformation. It sounded like just what I needed for my own healing from our recent election – and to focus on what I do next. But I also heard about a couple other activities happening the same evening and was honestly a little confused about what to do. But Barbara felt like my real commitment, so I sent her a Facebook note in which I said, “It’s ineluctable. I don’t actually know what that word means and I’m too tired right now to look it up, but I think it means I’m coming.” When I saw Barbara at church a couple of days later, she said that ineluctable meant that I’m definitely coming.
But the morning of the workshop, a customer of mine (I’m a cashier at Earth Fare grocery store) said that the Indivisible meeting that night was going to be a large, exciting gathering – indispensable for a political activist in this town. I felt myself getting woozy. He said he would email me some information and I said I would pull it up on my phone at my lunch time.
When I did pull the info up, I discovered that the meeting only ran ’til seven p.m. I didn’t get off work until six, so I would make it for only the last half-hour of the meeting. I felt a wave of disappointment, then heard the words, “It’s ineluctable.” It can’t be avoided. It’s meant to be. There’s no mistake here, no loss, no carnage. It’s alright. It is good. I got happy about going to Barbara’s workshop.
That happiness about Barbara’s workshop lasted about 40 minutes into the workshop. I was enjoying the conversation, finding it valuable, being interested in the six other people there. Then, out of the blue, I started thinking about the Indivisible gathering. Just how large was it? It might have been a great opportunity to promote our Tuesday Resist Trump rallies. Had I made a mistake by not going?
This internal warfare went on for about five minutes, then my mantra returned. “It’s ineluctable.” What is happening was unavoidable – I’m in the right place at the right time.” I was fine again.
When, the next day, I heard that there had been four hundred people at the Indivisible meeting, I was really happy that something was going on with so much vitality. I found myself looking forward to finding the right ways to connect with that energy. And I felt essentially no loss around not being there.
As an activist in a time when so much action is happening, there will be inevitable conflicts about how I invest my time. Even in my social life this is true. I think it was kind of helpful that I missed out on such a huge, dynamic meeting. If missing that could be OK, then all manner of things I don’t do could be alright.